I’m so excited! This week, I got my first anonymous attack e-mail:
> \”Open campaigning for the sake of Transparency, Integrity, and Accountability\”
> So does this mean the public gets to learn about a certain Ms. Harper?
When I read that, I felt just like Navin Johnson with the new phone book. “I’m somebody now!” I feel like a real candidate. “Things are gonna start happening to me now…”
I’ve never made any secret of the fact that I’ve made my share of mistakes, the incident our anonymous friend is referring should probably be classified as my biggie: the equivalent of my own personal Iraq war.
I’ve been planning to address this for a while, and now seems as good a time as any, so (with a nod to Quentin Tarantino), let’s discuss what someone seems to think is the political equivalent of having a car covered with Marvin’s brains in my garage, The Bonnie Situation.
Let’s start with the facts. First of all, here is the full transcript of Harper, Bonnie Anne Pettioner vs George, Jeffrey Respondent, that sums up everything that preceded it in the actual word of those involved.
Also, here are links to the newspaper article and the book A StoryBook referenced in the transcript.
Instead of trying to rehash the long since past details of the situation, I think it would be better express what I carry with me today from the experience. The bottom line is my behavior was a mistake, and I regret any hurt feelings or emotional harm my actions caused anyone involved.
Now if that sounds like a too pat, typical, mea culpa, let me elaborate a bit.
Looking back on it, I can see that I was operating from the point where passion, naivety, and idealism intersect with obsession, insensitivity, and selfishness. The whole world, including the person I was most trying to impress, was telling me that my interest in her was unrequited (to say the least!) and my approach to the whole situation was wrong, but I was too self-involved to really hear what they had to say.
I felt that because of the appalling way the first two hearings were conducted I was the victim of some gross injustice, despite the fact that I myself refused the sensible advise to seek legal counsel. I guess I was trying to make some sort of foolish Gandhi-esque stand to prove the purity of my intentions when instead I should’ve just been respectful of both the legal process and the obvious message I was being sent.
When I refer to this as “my own personal Iraq war” I’m not exactly kidding. I don’t mean this in the sense that I feel like I experienced combat, but rather that I have a sincere, first-hand appreciation of the place President Bush was in mentally when he made the decision to invade Iraq!
I also understand the process of grief that those Americans who initially supported the invasion and their inability now to admit that it was mistake. I know from my own experience that this can only come in time.
Now, as to how this experience reflects on my commitment to transparency, integrity, and accountability: again, I can only look back now and reflect on the mistakes I made.
In hindsight, I felt that I was in awkward predicament almost from the beginning, and was perhaps too honest in the way I presented myself and called attention to feelings and behavior that probably would’ve been better left unsaid. However, that wasn’t my real mistake in this regard.
The biggest mistake I made were that I said I would stay away, but I always found some convenient excuse to circumvent that promise. While the number of times I encountered Bonnie were just a few incidents spread out over five years or so, the problem was I couldn’t put my own feelings in to perspective with the reality of the actual situation.
In my mind, I felt that the case should’ve never gone to court in the first place, and that I was essentially forced to agree to the initial injunction under the threat of imprisonment. When I broke that injunction, I not only thought enough time had passed that we could both look back on the situation with some perspective, I was trying to show that the reason I had stayed away for that time was because I thought I was being respectful of her feelings, and not afraid of the consequences of the law. I realize now not only that my perspective still wasn’t objective at that time, but also how foolish the stand I thought I was making really was.
Altough I’m still not exactly sure I deserved to go to jail for two and a half weeks because of it, the bottom line is I made my choice, it was the wrong choice, and I suffered the consequences for it.
All I can do now, is try to be as honest about everything that happened as I can be, and do my best to learn from the experience. On the one hand, I gained some real personal perspective on the legal process, and became a bit more aware of some of the actual injustices (compared to what I went through) that do occur in the system.
But more importantly, I learned the value of respect for the rule of law, not so much because of the personal consequences, but because of the consequences to us a as a society. I also learned that no matter how sensitive we might think we are, if we’re only being sensitive to our own feelings, that’s not at all the same as being sensitive to the feelings of others. I learned this the hard way, and I hope that somehow I can take that experience and use it for some good.
Now, in regard to my campaign for office I ‘d like for this to lay “The Bonnie Situation” to rest once and for all, but I’m sure in the minds of some people, particularly those who are looking for an excuse for political or personal gain, it won’t.
All I can say is that if you think I learned my lesson, I sincerely appreciate your compassion and your understanding. And, if I didn’t really learn anything, than I trust your judgement as to my fitness for office will truly be reflected in your vote.
If you think I’m some sort of monster because of my past, than you might also like to know that not too long after the hearing I also filed personal bankruptcy. And, a couple of years later I was arrested (but not convicted) for a DUI. Have fun writing those attack ads!
Now lets move on, shall we…
Posted by admin | Filed in Personal
